dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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