I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
