What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So much Jack, so little girl.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
