The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize