With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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