I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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