Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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