So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
