well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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