There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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