sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
