You can't motorboat a personality
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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