nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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