I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
