was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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