At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
