Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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