Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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