Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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