I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize