SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
