Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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