I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
