Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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