Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
love makes seman taste better
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm sobbing to NWA
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
