everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
