Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
