Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
