Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
