plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
