It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize