You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
