We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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