I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
