I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
