I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
