And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
