did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
