Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
