You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize