i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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