she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize