I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
