So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
