I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
