I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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