OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
