my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
