please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
