Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
