Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Im part way to drunk.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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