if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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