Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
