My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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