i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
