This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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