Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
