She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
