so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
