winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
