I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
