come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
