I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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