Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
