the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
