with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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