You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize