im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Screwed.edu
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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